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March 4, 2008

Bizarre Unionization Stuff In Illinois

Jonathan Gyurko, the charter school czar at the United Federation of Teachers, wants to know what advice this blog has for Illinois Senator Barack Obama regarding the somewhat creepy story in the Daily Herald about the forms allegedly handed out to teachers by an Illinois charter school that supposedly sought to denounce a unionization drive at the school.

For those of you unfamiliar with the rules of the blogosphere, the UFT by contract gets to tell other bloggers what they are supposesd to comment upon on their blogs, so I'm forced to outline my three-point plan below to avoid having a costly and time-consuming grievance filed with The Blogfather.

So, Senator Obama, acting on the instructions of the teachers union which has been spending a small fortune trying to knock you out of the Democratic Primary, I present my plan for dealing with the situation:

1. This has to do with tone, style, and protecting yourself from something even worse later: Preface all of your remarks with language like "If proven true, blah, blah, blah" since there seems to be some jacked-up sentiments on both sides here and God only knows what you're stepping into.  Image is important here, so think 1950's Teamster Chic for your wardrobe. 

2. Even though the union that has been working so hard to stop your campaign wants you to tell the teachers - if the report is true - to stay in a bizarre work setting and expend all your energy fighting to counter the (alleged) bizarreness of the charter leaders by unionizing and sending dues money from the school down to the union coffers, emphasize that the teachers should decide for themselves if it is worth it. Talk to the teachers straight. Say something like:

"Dudes, if that story in the Daily Herald is true and you've got school leaders holding strange 'housekeeping' staff meetings and they are making you sign these goofy documents about the school's reputation then listen - you've got bigger problems on your hands than having 'union voice' is going to solve. The whole thing is kind of weird. Run! Voice is cool, but Exit aint so bad when you're looking at bizarreville, you follow me? Yes, you can! Change."

3. Resist the temptation to urge the charter school leaders in the story to seek a lawyer's advice about how to conduct themselves while a unionization drive us under way. If they do that, the union will complain that they are union-busting. I mean, like for the next five years, you'll hear about it. That's bad. And tiresome.